


Nightmares

by Medie



Category: Smallville
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-20
Updated: 2010-02-20
Packaged: 2017-10-07 09:57:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Medie/pseuds/Medie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, he looks at Lex and sees that little boy in the field...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> Written for uhhh [](http://suzvoy.livejournal.com/profile)[**suzvoy**](http://suzvoy.livejournal.com/) who wanted Jonathan being a decent guy. Somehow...this is what I got. :-p

He looks at Lex sometimes and sees that little boy in the field. It doesn't happen often, he tries hard not to let it happen, but sometimes he does. He doesn't think Lex remembers. Highly unlikely that he would, given the extent of the trauma and if he did, Jonathan thinks he would know. Lex Luthor, though not arrogant in the way he'd once believed, is a proud young man. The idea that someone, the father of one of his closet and very few friends, had seen him at such a vulnerable point in his life. He wouldn't be nearly at ease with him if he knew.

When he thinks about that day, sadness overwhelms him. He remembers Lionel's genuine fear for his son but he remembers the apprehension there too. Lionel hadn't wanted to touch his son, had been on some level put off by what the meteor strike had done to the boy, and Jonathan can't understand it. He never could. Even for all his protests, when Martha had picked Clark up, smiling at him as if her dreams had come true, he'd felt something deep inside himself shift. Looking into the face of an alien boy he'd known instinctively, _'this is my son...'_ and with that knowledge came the sure certainty he would do anything and everything he had to in order to protect him. He still would. To hell with the rest of the world, his wife and his son were his priorities. Their safety was his life. The choices he made to that end weren't perfect and weren't always right but it was something he'd accepted a long time ago. In the nights when sleep wouldn't come, held off by nightmares of laboratories, doctors, and his son screaming in fear of what they were going to do...

He still has those dreams. They've stayed with him all his life but now the doctors wear the insignia of LuthorCorp on their coats and Lionel Luthor watches from the corner as they slice his boy to pieces. Analyzing and cataloging every part and piece of him.

Jonathan will never ever let that happen. He still sees an orphaned boy in a crater, eyes and smile the very picture of innocence and he will never let that happen. He will protect his child until his dying breath and, if Jor-El is any proof, he will do so beyond that.

He understands Jor-El's determination, if that thing in the cave is truly him, a father's fear for what his child may face will drive a man to dangerous things no matter what the species.

He thinks it should worry him that he understands the mind and actions of a long dead alien while he cannot fathom the responses of a father who claims to be a member of the human race. Jor-El is a mystery but one whose motivations he can understand. Lionel...Lionel is something other than a mystery all together. Jonathan isn't sure he wants to understand the man. If he can understand why a father would behave as Lionel does...treat his son the way he does...Jonathan doesn't want to know how a man gets to that point.

It's why he cannot let himself think of the boy Lex was. Has to make himself see the man he is becoming. Clark can't understand his fears. But, Clark will never understand, he knows this, not until he holds his own son in his arms...sees his own son facing the world and all its dangers. Until that day he is incapable of understanding how far a man will go to protect his child. Incapable of the kinds of nightmares which keep his father awake at night. Which may have kept his Kryptonian father awake at night...

Sometimes, Jonathan wishes Clark would never have to understand. It takes a toll, that kind of knowledge, a heavy toll that has been exacted from him. He doesn't want his son to be weighted down by the troubles he carries. Even with all the strength Clark possesses, he will still feel burdened by it. Crushed by it. Fearing for your child's life is the kind of nightmare that turning the lights on will not banish. It is the kind of nightmare which haunts each and every step you take...

He dares not admit it, not to anyone but his darkest thoughts, but Jonathan worries...sees the changes in Lex, sees what his father is and what he may be becoming and worries...that the nightmare for Clark and his children...

Will wear his best friend's face.

He looks at Lex sometimes, remembers the little boy he saw in the field...and wishes he never had.


End file.
